They Can’t Vote, Drive, or Sign a Lease—But They Can Block You From Their Medical Info
Why kids can legally make major health decisions—without telling the parents who pay for it.
Let me tell you something that still blows my mind.
When my son was 16, he started on human growth hormone treatment—something I needed to be aware of. I was paying for the doctor visits. I was footing the insurance bills. But when I tried to get access to his medical records?
Nope. Blocked.
Because in New York State, once your kid turns 12, the system flips a switch and says you're no longer entitled to see certain medical information. You have to ask your own child for permission. They have the power to keep you in the dark—especially if it relates to mental health, sexual health, or certain medications.
And nobody tells you this upfront.
I started to wonder. when this all started, so I started digging. I wanted to know where this came from, who decided it, and whether other states were just as ridiculous. What I found didn't make me feel any better.
This all traces back to a Supreme Court case in 1977—Carey v. Population Services International. That case struck down a New York law that restricted minors from accessing contraception. The Court said minors have a right to privacy when it comes to reproductive choices.
Fair enough. In that context, I get it.
So, over time, New York and other states started passing laws allowing minors to consent to their own care in certain situations—sexually transmitted infections, mental health, substance abuse, pregnancy-related care. The idea was that some kids might avoid treatment if they were afraid of their parents finding out. The goal was to improve public health, not destroy parental trust.
But fast forward to now—and it's gone way beyond that.
Today in New York, once your kid turns 12, your access to their medical records through patient portals like MyChart can be shut off—automatically. Even if you're the one paying for everything. Even if the treatment isn't related to sexual health or mental health. Even if your kid still lives under your roof, eats your food, and uses your health insurance.
Yes, this is leagal. And it's not just New York.
California lets minors aged 12 and up consent to care related to sexual health, mental health, and drug use—without involving parents. Oregon is even more aggressive: minors as young as 15 can consent to any medical care—including surgeries and vaccinations—without their parents.
Other states vary. In Texas and much of the South, you'll still find stronger parental rights—but even there, minors can access some services on their own. Every state has its own rules. But the trend is clear across the country: we're cutting parents out of the loop earlier and earlier.
So wait a minute. You're telling me that at 12, a kid can legally hide medical treatment from their parents—but that same kid:
can't legally drive
can't open a bank account without you
can't vote
can't drink
can't rent an apartment
can't legally sign most contracts
and absolutely has no clue how health insurance works
But this is the age when the government says, "You're now the boss of your medical info"?
How is this logical?
And more importantly, do most parents even know this is happening?
Under the Affordable Care Act, kids can stay on their parent's health insurance plans until they're 26. Because we all pretty much understand that at 18, 21, even 24, most people are still figuring things out.
So, if we recognize that young adults need help with insurance coverage well into their twenties… why are we cutting parents off at 12?
I'm sorry, but it makes no sense.
At 18, my son is heading off to college, and he's still struggling to understand how financial aid works, how loans add up, and what it really costs to get a degree. And that's not a knock on him. He's smart. He's trying. But the system asks him to make adult-level financial decisions before he's fully moved out of the house.
And yet, we're supposed to believe that at 12, a kid is ready to keep major health decisions secret from their parents?
Let's stop pretending kids are mini-adults.
The human brain isn't fully developed until around age 25 to 26—especially the parts that manage long-term planning, decision-making, and impulse control. That's neuroscience, not opinion.
So why are we putting such heavy responsibilities and privacy burdens on middle schoolers?
It's one thing to protect kids in abusive homes who truly need confidential care. But that's not what's happening here. These laws apply to everyone. And in most cases, they don't make kids safer, they just leave parents in the dark, confused and powerless.
I'm not here to argue that kids shouldn't have any rights. But let's ask some real questions:
Should 12-year-olds be allowed to withhold major medical information from their parents?
Should the system automatically assume that keeping parents out is safer?
What else does the state think a child should keep private at that age?
Are we equipping kids to handle that responsibility, or are we just dumping it on them and hoping for the best?
Why do schools and colleges expect 17- and 18-year-olds to navigate FAFSA, scholarship applications, and tuition math that most adults can barely understand?
We're offloading adult problems onto children who aren't ready—and then stripping parents of the tools to help them.
That's not empowering. That's reckless.