Responsibility Is Learned, and Parents Are the Teachers
How Structure and Accountability Shape Kids Into Strong Adults
Responsibility is something kids don’t just figure out on their own. It’s something you teach, over and over, until it becomes part of who they are.
When I look back at how my parents raised me, I see the blueprint. My father had me cleaning my room, mowing the lawn, taking out the garbage, washing his car, and cleaning the garage. He’d say, “I’ll wash the dishes and you dry them,” like it was an option. It really wasn’t, but in his own way, he gave me a little say in the process.
My mother focused on other details and taught me how to separate colors when washing clothes, how to iron, and how to fold sheets. She taught me how to dust, polish furniture, set the table, sew on a button, and keep our home looking spotless.
My father told me time and time again to stand up straight. He taught me how to shake hands with a person and how to speak with authority.
My mother was supportive. She was the one who bought my first set of drums from my cousin. She was the one who said I could “make it” as a musician, and I eventually did.
Things are different at my ex-wife’s home, but there’s very little I can do about that at this point in my life. All I can control is what happens in my home. When my kids were with me, they knew that one of their many responsibilities was to set the table for the dinner I cooked for them that evening. They also helped me prepare the food. After we ate, they cleared the table, swept the floor, and wiped down the table and counters. When they slept over, they made their beds in the morning.
After school each day, they knew they should never come into my apartment and drop everything to go play. They had to hang up their coats and put their shoes in the right place. If they got a chance to play after their homework, they took out their toys and put them back where they found them when they were done. They made sure their room was in the same condition as when they arrived.
I’m starting to see the payoff.
My son takes pride in waking up early and getting things done. My daughter makes sure her space is in order before she heads to work. These are not just chores. They are life skills. My daughter is living on her own, working as a line cook in a restaurant on Nantucket. My son is about to start his first year at George Washington University this fall. Both of them handle themselves with confidence and independence. That didn’t just happen. It came from years of structure, accountability, and the simple routines we built at home.
Teaching responsibility matters. Kids need structure. They need to be held accountable. It prepares them for the real world in a way nothing else will.
The lessons you teach at home don’t just last a lifetime. They shape it.
Deep Cuts is where I think out loud about the intersections of culture, history, music, politics, and power. If this made you think, whether you agree or not, share it, forward it, or subscribe for more.